This is going to be a different subject then I normally talk about. But I have a story…
As I lay dozing on the couch a few weeks ago, I just happen to wake up at the particular moment I see this small shadow zoom across my living room floor. The OCD in me kicks into overdrive. A mouse? In my house? No, that cannot be! I hit the denial button. I reason it must have been a passing car outside that made the shadow on the floor. I was trying to keep the OCD in check. Denial mode was much better. But it happened a second time that night. I would remain in denial. What was a mouse doing in my house? Could we live in peace together? Maybe I could just pretend the creature was not there. If I did nothing about it I could ignore it in my mind. After all, it was a quiet roommate. Just my type! So I named her Minnie.
Each night as I lay dozing on the couch Minnie continued to zoom across the floor. It was usually at the same time every night. I started to have conversations with Minnie. Don’t judge. I would say, “Minnie, mama is home!” I finally convinced myself with enough google searches that I needed to do something. Minnie and I had a heart-to-heart about her leaving the easy way or the hard way. I decided it was time to man-up and buy a trap. I could do this. So I put on my big girl panties and went to Walgreens to buy the newest and most humane trap (and most expensive). It sat loaded and ready on my floor for two weeks – empty. I was at a loss. Yes, you can actually google, “What to do if your mouse trap fails”. Sites said it might be another varmint. That was way too much for me to handle! What else could it be? I ordered my mind stop wandering! I was pretty sure Minnie was a mouse although I had only seen her shadow and there was no sign of mouse poop anywhere. I still wondered though because there is not a single crumb on my floor that she could be eating. She had to be hungry. Yet, she resisted the lure of the peanut butter in the trap.
When all else fails ask for advice. I was told to buy the standard old mouse trap. Now I was determined to catch Minnie. It became a strength of wills between the two of us. Meanwhile, I threatened her that I would be unleashing Oliver (my cousin’s cat) if she did not behave and move out. I bought cheese and I was bound and determined to set the trap myself all the while my uncle’s voice in my head says, “Don’t snap your fingers!” Of course that means that is exactly what happened. I loaded the trap and numerous times the cheese loaded with peanut butter goes flying across the room. I even threw two traps away because I thought they were dysfunctional and I was angry I hurt my finger. Has anyone ever done that? It hurts like a mother….. I finally had to ask my uncle to come over and set them. Ha! He snapped his finger as well. Not just a dumb blonde move! In the end, two traps are laid and I am ready! I chant to Minnie, “Minnie, Minnie where are you?” Two weeks go by and nothing. Does this mouse have an eating disorder?
One day last week I spotted her in the basement. She was no longer a shadow. She was kind of cute. I yelled at her for not succumbing to the trap! She quickly scurried away as I screamed, “Minnie, I will get you!” Clearly the objective now is to get the loaded trap to the basement without injuring myself. My uncle said they loved cheese puffs. Yes, I bought an entire bag as mouse bait. It took Minnie one day and she was done in by the cheese puff. Stronger women have been taken down by worse (maybe cupcakes). As I go to the basement that morning I noted the trap is out of place. I got nauseated. I approach it. There she is laying face down next to the trap. I tear up. Me, the one who never cries. I cannot even remember the last time I cried. That was a lie. I had just seen The Choice that weekend and I got a stray tear during the movie. But seriously, I am not emotional. Here I am crying over a dead varmit. I had talked to her everyday. I am sure this is a sign from the universe I should get a pet.
You see, I had never thought past setting the trap. What do you do with the poor mouse who now is lifeless on my basement floor? Big girl panties back on (maybe I should keep them on), I got out a bag and scooped up her body and the trap in one swoop, almost threw up in my mouth, and quickly ran outside. Minnie is now resting in peace at the bottom of the trash bin in my garage. Likely a frozen corpse by now. We just got ten inches of snow so digging a proper grave was out of the question. Minnie regrets she will never get to meet her cousin Oliver. Ok, maybe not? In the end, she lived a good life (I think).